As a general rule, children follow their diets when the symptoms are immediate,
physical, and severe.
If you've ever had choking asthma,
a feeling that can only be compared to drowning,
you will follow almost any regimen
as long as it helps.
In contrast, symptoms that are psychological are difficult for the child to understand,
because his intelligence is being undermined.
Also, it is difficult for a child,
or an adult,
to associate a food with a symptom when
the delay is 24 to 48 hours.
My children both have "next-day" reactions,
so it was sometimes difficult to convince them that the food connection was real.
Here are a few tips that may help.
This is not a "recipe for success."
Children are children,
and they will stray from their diets from time to time.
However, a few simple do's and don'ts may keep them on diet more often,
and help you manage the situation when they go astray.
-
Never punish a child in any way for going off diet.
Unfortunately it took me several months to learn this important lesson.
Staying on diet seems so important,
and it is;
but you can't force this onto a child,
or a teen-ager, or an adult.
They have to agree to it.
Here are some problems with punishment.
-
The child won't tell you if he snuck anything at school.
And if you ask him, he'll lie.
After all, he'll be punished for his transgressions.
Thus you get no information, or bad information.
All your controlled experiments are for naught.
There is noise in your data,
noise that you will never be able to track.
You might test dairy, and decide it failed,
because your child ate a piece of candy at school.
So you take him off milk without cause.
This makes life more difficult for you and for him.
-
The child is already being punished -
by the induced symptoms.
You might explain this to him, quietly,
when the asthma or eczema or whatever appears,
but don't harp on it.
In fact you might wait until the symptoms subside,
and then explain,
"You know, if you hadn't eaten that candy,
you might have avoided that asthma last night.
I'm not sure, but I think the candy made it worse."
-
The child is already being punished for all sorts of bad behaviors.
Some are under his control - many are not.
You're not sure which ones are which, so they all have consequences.
He doesn't need more punishments in his young life.
-
A child knows a double standard when he sees one.
Unless you are also food intolerant,
you wouldn't make it three days on his diet,
and you know it, and he knows it too.
I wouldn't last very long on my son's diet,
simply because I don't have a compelling reason to stick to such a difficult regimen.
Even if you "sneak" in secret, when he's not around, he knows,
so don't punish him for a slip-up.
You don't want your child to come back and say,
"Don't blame me, you eat the same thing when I'm not around."
-
Don't keep tempting snacks in the house.
This is not always feasible.
We had a border for a couple years,
who was not particularly interested in the failsafe diet,
so illicit snacking was always a threat.
Setting these complicating factors aside,
keep your kitchen as safe as possible.
If you must keep tempting treats in the house,
put them on a high shelf
or behind some rather uninteresting canisters of flour.
-
If possible, follow your child's diet, as a show of solidarity.
Most parents find this difficult, unless they are also food intolerant.
The whole family doesn't have to go "on the wagon";
it helps a great deal if just one parent says,
"I'll eat what you eat."
I stay pretty close to my son's diet, at least when he is around,
while my birth daughter,
no relation to my adopted son,
eats all sorts of convenience foods and junk snacks without trouble.
Perhaps this is unfair,
but she's a very picky eater,
and I don't have the energy to fight any more battles.
For the most part, my son doesn't mind,
because I am eating what he eats,
and that's good enough for him.
-
Become a creative cook.
If gluten is out, learn how to bake
gluten-free.
It's not easy (we've tried it),
but buy some books and get on the internet
and jump in with both feet.
Your child needs delicious treats that look like the foods the other kids are eating.
In fact, they should be "delicious",
as judged by his peers.
This is a tall order,
but a laudable goal.
When kids come to visit,
you don't want them to eat what your child is eating and say,
"Ooooo, this is weird."
-
If you are given advanced notice
of parties etc at school,
send a special treat with your child.
He's more likely to say no to the Hostess Cupcake if he has a cupcake of his own
that he likes.
If he tolerates 7-up or Sprite, send some along, or let his teachers know.
If not, mix pear juice and club soda to make a form of "pear soda".
Most kids like this, and it looks and tastes like soda pop.
-
Talk to your child's teachers,
politely, and with respect.
Don't try to convert them.
Just say your child is allergic to many foods,
and ask them to let you know when parties are coming (as above).
They should also discourage food swapping in class or at lunch.
Be sure to use the word "allergy",
even though you and I know it is a food sensitivity.
If you tell them your child behaves badly 24 hours after eating an orange,
they'll just roll their eyes in disbelief.
You're not interested in confrontation, just results.
Tell them your child is allergic to citrus fruits,
and many other things,
and leave it at that,
and she'll probably work with you on these issues.
-
Keep some safe, non-perishable snacks at school for "emergencies".
Sometimes teachers don't bother to tell you about upcoming parties,
and in fairness, they don't always know.
Sometimes a child comes in with 30 cupcakes and says,
"It's my birthday!"
The teacher should have an alternate snack for your child.
Maple candy
and potato chips work well.
If your teacher or school is obsessed with health issues,
and they don't want open food sitting around in cupboards,
look for individual bags of chips etc,
or use zip-lock bags.
-
A little goes a long way.
Most food sensitivities are a matter of degree.
If your child can tolerate a little of something,
e.g. cashews,
give him a few for variety.
This can be especially helpful when eating out, or at friends' houses.
A person seems out of place if he only eats rice,
but if you can eat a little of this and a little of that,
and get away with it, everyone will feel better about the situation.
At a buffet or school function,
I let my son take a couple bites of watermelon and a couple strawberries etc,
and I encourage him to "eat slowly",
because that's all the fruit he can have.
But at least he's eating some of the same things everyone else is eating.
-
Some parents establish a box, or cupboard shelf,
that contains safe snacks.
Thus the child doesn't have to ask for assistance every time he is hungry.
This grants him some much needed autonomy,
and gives you some peace and quiet.
More than once I was rousted from a nap by the words,
"Daddy, what can I have for snack?"
I could hardly be angry,
else he will simply get his own food, and we don't want that.
After three or four of these interruptions
I set a shelf aside for safe treats,
and asked him not to abuse it.
He appreciates the autonomy and (usually) exhibits restraint.
-
Never speak with certainty.
"Every time you eat chocolate you get sick!"
Always talk as though you might be wrong.
"I think this food might give you trouble tomorrow."
The reason is straightforward;
you might be wrong!
I've been wrong so many times it makes my head spin.
And children remember everything.
If you lose credibility
they won't follow your advice in the future.
And when you're wrong, tell them so.
"I thought this was safe; I guess I was wrong."
Or, "I thought this caused you trouble, but I guess it doesn't, or perhaps you've outgrown it."
There is another reason to couch your assertions in vague terms.
Children like to keep their options open, a defense mechanism.
Maybe pizza isn't a problem after all, we're not really sure.
Sometimes I tell my son,
"You're just tired.",
when I know he is reacting to breakfast.
It's not entirely a lie;
his reactions are much worse when he is tired or short on sleep.
Still, I sometimes slide the food factor under the rug,
because he's tired of hearing about it day after day.
-
Make your child a partner in this effort, right from the start.
"I think some foods might be a problem for you.
Would you like to find out?
Would you like me to make you some special foods for a while,
to see if your X gets any better?"
Remember, your child is an active participant in the process,
not a rat in a maze.
-
Ask your child's permission before running any challenges.
This is not the time for a double-blind study.
Approach it this way.
"I'd like to test wheat, to see if it gives you any trouble,
but you don't have to.
Would you like to try some new foods,
or would you rather stay safe?"
-
Reward your child for staying on diet.
This may include stickers, trips to the movies,
special "safe" treats, or other incentives.
This can be at odds with point 1 above,
since the lack of a reward is almost a punishment,
so you'll have to make a judgement call here.
Still, some parents find it helpful.
The two-for-one exchange works well.
If your child is given a cupcake at school, and he brings it home to you,
give him two safe cupcakes in return.
-
They sneak when they're down.
Don't we all?
If you're child is having a reaction
his emotions rule and his thoughts are not rational.
"I hate this diet!
It doesn't work.
It never does any good.
I'm going to eat anything I want!"
Sometimes we get this verbal warning; sometimes not.
But we always know to be on the lookout.
The moment our back is turned he'll sneak something,
something he's always wanted, something he can usually say no to.
And that promotes another reaction the next day, and the cycle continues.
So be especially careful and vigilant during these times.
-
Look for safe meals at restaurants.
This can be very difficult,
but many children - my children -
enjoy the ritual of going out to eat.
Sometimes we have to submit special orders
and bring our own side dishes and condiments,
but it is very important for the kids to "go out"
once in a while,
just like everybody else.
We have had the most success with the Mongolian Barbecue style restaurants.
You choose the meats and the vegetables, and they grill it for you.
We bring our own sunflower oil,
since their oils and sauces all contain TBHQ.
Check with the restaurant first;
some are not willing to cook with outside ingredients.
-
Your child may ask if he will be on this diet forever.
The correct answer is, "I don't know."
You can tell them, honestly, that some kids outgrow their food sensitivities.
My daughter did, in the space of two years.
She can eat almost anything now, with no effect.
We still serve pure meals at home,
because I don't want to push the envelope,
but she eats the school lunches and many restaurant meals.
It's almost a miracle!
Others must remain on a strict diet for life.
We're not sure why.
We do know that compliance at a young age
increases the chances for tolerance in later life.
The immune system changes in fundamental ways around age ten,
and if it isn't battling the wrong foods and food additives,
the emerging pre-teen might be able to eat them in moderation.
-
Suppose your child is in remission, as described above.
(When it comes to food sensitivities, I think "remission" is more accurate than "cure".)
The best long-term advice I can give is,
"Drink only water, preferably distilled water."
Nothing concentrates amines, salicylates, preservatives, carbohydrates, and yeast faster than juices,
soft drinks, and alcoholic beverages.
Other common sense practices include the following.
- Avoid sauces.
- Avoid spicy foods.
- Avoid aged or fermented foods.
- When eating out, choose simple meals.
- Cook from scratch.
- Keep a food diary, so you can spot an emerging pattern.
