The Adoption Process, An Introduction

If you are unfamiliar with the adoption process, or you are thinking about adoption in the future, this article will serve as a brief introduction. It presents the sequence of events that will eventually bring a child into your home. Subsequent articles will focus on specific issues, such as trans-racial adoptions, disabled adoptees, disabled parents, and the role of the internet in the adoption process.

1. Your decision to adopt sets the wheels in motion, but what kind of child do you want? Is race a factor? Do you want a foreign child? From which country? Do you want an infant or an older child? Which disabilities can you accept? Bear in mind, virtually every child that has become a ward of the state is disabled in some way -- physically, intellectually, socially, or emotionally. We took several parenting classes, including a seminar on abused children, before we decided to adopt an older child. Knowledge is power; make sure you begin this process with your eyes open.

2. Once you have established the characteristics of your future adoptee, you must select a state adoption agency or a private agency licensed by the state. In some states you can work directly with a lawyer, rather than an agency, but I don't recommend it. Social workers, who handle waiting children, are accustomed to dealing with other agencies. In fact, some case workers will not speak to the adopting parents at all, until they have had an extensive dialog with the parents' representative. If this representative is a lawyer, rather than another social worker, they may feel uncomfortable with the situation, and proceed to the next candidate. In contrast, a birth mother, who wishes to place her infant, is eager to speak directly with prospective parents, but they will have a hard time finding each other without an agency acting as intermediary. Agencies tend to clump together in loose interstate aggregates (e.g. Catholic Charities), which effectively increases the pool of adopting parents and available infants. You will want to tap into this informal network.

   Make your selection carefully, because once you have chosen an agency, you are locked in. Switching agencies in mid-stream can cost you several months of hard work and several thousand dollars. (After obtaining our license in Illinois, we moved to Michigan, which rendered all our hard work null and void.) Don't be afraid to ask questions and shop around. Make sure the agency is compatible with your adoption goals. Some agencies specialize in infants; others focus on older children. Some handle foreign adoptions; others are strictly domestic. If you are open to children of all races, ask how many trans-racial placements they facilitated in the past year. If you are disabled, find out if they have placed children with disabled parents before. Make sure you will receive a copy of your home study (see below). Finally, make sure the agency is willing to work with you as you "sell" yourself to birth mothers or case workers across the country. Adoption is an exercise in marketing, and few parents have the necessary expertise. (Your social worker may or may not possess these skills; mine did not!)

3. Once you have selected an agency, you must complete a home study. The phrase "home study" has two definitions: a process of investigation that "clears" prospective parents for adoption, and a written report (the culmination of the aforementioned investigation). Under either definition, the term "home study" is a misnomer, since the inspection of the dwelling is practically an afterthought, and often consists of a cursory walk-through. The process is actually an intense investigation of you, as an individual, as a couple (if you aren't a single parent), and as a family (if you already have children). You can expect a mountain of paperwork, euphemistically known as "homework" in the industry. The written questionnaire, as long as your arm, looks tedious, intimidating, and a bit overwhelming, yet many couples find it valuable in retrospect, because it forces them to talk about some very important issues.

   Three months later, the home study is complete, and the resulting report, some 10 pages long, is used to match you with waiting children. If you are adopting an older child, this is the primary marketing tool.

4. Even a well-written home study is long and tedious, due in part to the various sections that are mandated by state and federal law. You should prepare supporting material that will market your family to social workers. This package, which is not part of the official home study, includes photographs and a one-page summary of your family. Describe any parenting classes, or experience with children.

5. You must now locate children that match your criteria, and forward your home study and supplementary information to their social workers. In this endeavor, you might be doing 10% of the work, or 90%, depending on the amount of support and assistance you receive from your agency.

6. If you are looking for an older child, send your home study and match criteria to various registries across the country. These intermediaries act like search engines, matching adopting parents with waiting children. There should be one comprehensive registry for the nation, but there isn't, so you must work with each one individually. Again, your agency may gently guide you through these uncharted waters, or it may leave you adrift with half an oar.

7. Continue looking for children and disseminating your information until a social worker decides you are a good match for her child. On that blessed day, your respective agencies activate a blizzard of paperwork that eventually transfers custody.

8. Negotiate for subsidy. Most states will subsidize the adoption, and even the long-term care of their waiting children. It is in their economic interest to do so (i.e. it's cheaper than keeping the child in foster care forever). Your agency may negotiate on your behalf, or it may leave you to fend for yourself.

9. When the paperwork is complete, including the subsidy, the child enters your home for a one year trial. Assuming the year-long experiment goes well, you sign the "forever" papers, and the child is legally yours.

10. Once you have signed the forever papers, insist upon a complete written history of your child, including medical records, foster placements, police reports, school records, and the birth certificate. You should have received these materials when the child was first placed in your capable hands, but you probably didn't, because the child was not legally adopted. In the end, it is the child who is harmed by these inflexible and irrational procedures.

The above looks deceptively simple, yet each step represents a significant hurdle. Since children are involved, emotions run high. Frustration and anxiety are constant companions as you watch the system creep along at a glacial speed. Finally the adoption is complete, and your efforts are rewarded. Yes, it was all worth it, but I hope America can streamline this process before I am ready to adopt again.